Bud: You see the results of the big swim meet?
Lou: I’m trying to, but the math is making my head swim.
Bud: It’s simple. You’ve got the winner, the runners-up, and the girl in fifth.
Lou: Who’s in fifth?
Bud: No, Lia is in fifth.
Lou: That’s what I’m asking! Who finished in fifth place?
Bud: Hu finished in second.
Lou: I don’t care about second! I want to know who is in fifth!
Bud: Lia is in fifth. But she’s sharing it.
Lou: Sharing it with who?
Bud: No, Hu is in second! She’s sharing it with Riley.
Lou: Riley is sharing second with Who?
Bud: No, Riley is in fifth with Lia.
Lou: Wait a minute. If Riley is in fifth, and Lia is in fifth, who won the race?
Bud: Taylor won the race.
Lou: Taylor who?
Bud: No, Hu is second!
Lou: I don’t know who’s in second!
Bud: Exactly!
Lou: Look, I’m looking at the girl in fifth place. She’s very upset. She says she lost because of the person next to her.
Bud: That’s Lia.
Lou: The person she lost to is Lia?
Bud: No, she tied Lia. They both got fifth.
Lou: If they both got fifth, then she didn’t lose to Lia, she tied her!
Bud: Right.
Lou: So who did she lose to?
Bud: She lost to the four girls in front of her.
Lou: And who are they?
Bud: Well, Hu is one of them.
Lou: THAT’S WHAT I’M ASKING YOU!
Bud: And I’m telling you! Hu is in second!
Lou: I DON’T KNOW!
Bud: She’s in third!
Lou: Third base?
Bud: No, third place!
Lou: So let me get this straight. Riley is in fifth. Lia is in fifth. And Riley is mad at Lia because she didn't win?
Bud: She’s mad because Lia got the trophy.
Lou: Why did Lia get the trophy?
Bud: Because they only had one.
Lou: So they gave it to the person who won?
Bud: No, Taylor won. She got a gold trophy.
Lou: Then who got the fifth-place trophy?
Bud: Lia.
Lou: Why not Riley?
Bud: Because the official said Lia gets to hold it for the picture.
Lou: So Riley is mad about a picture?
Bud: She’s mad she lost!
Lou: To the girl she tied with?
Bud: No, to the three cisgender girls and the one trans girl ahead of her.
Lou: So she lost to four people?
Bud: Correct.
Lou: And she’s blaming the one she tied with for the fact that she didn’t beat the other three?
Bud: Now you’ve got it!
Lou: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!
Bud: Stay out of the deep end, Lou.
